So That's Where I Get It From

August 9, 2010

Madness Monday: Disrespect for the Departed!

Filed under: DAILY BLOGGING THEMES, Madness Monday — Tags: , — rootsresearcher @ 11:01 pm

More and more lately I have been noticing that there seems to be very little respect for those no longer with us.  This is making me mad!!

On my Graveyard Rabbit blog,  Ancestors at Rest (link in the sidebar on the right), I have been adding various News Items which cover churchyards in other areas to those where I act as the Graveyard Rabbit.

These items are reporting on vandalism in churchyards; the police now being granted with Dispersal Orders to deal with anti-social behaviour in churchyards, (and that being not so far away from my part of the world) and even some hostility being shown in other churchyards because the churches cannot afford to maintain the graves, grass and so on and seemingly the local councils will not help.

Going back to the 1970s, I remember when my paternal grandfather’s funeral worked its way through the streets of London and I was very touched when along the route I noticed that quite a number of men on the pavement who saw us go by, stood still, removed their hats and bowed their heads as my grandfather’s hearse passed by them.  These people did not know who he was but it was a lovely sign of respect for someone no longer with us, especially for an older gentleman who so would have appreciated their gesture.

It was always an unwritten law that any funeral procession was never overtaken by other cars and certainly never cut up by a car coming between the vehicles in the procession.

Jump to 1982 and my dear father’s funeral procession.  It was not travelling as slowly as some do but suddenly some workmen in a van decided they wanted to pass ahead of us so overtook the family cars but did not quite make it in time because of a junction ahead, so had to cut in and they chose to cut in between our main family car and my father’s hearse!  I was so upset because not only was it a rude thing to do with a funeral procession, but I could no longer see my dad on his last journey.  I was already devastated because we had lost my dear dad, so I did not really have my wits about me to take the name on their vehicle.  I would have reported them to their bosses.  I know nothing would be done, but these workmen obviously did not care in any way what they had done.

And so we move on to these days.  I see many reports of vandalism in churchyards.  I see several reports over time where young men urinate over graves and even over newly laid poppy wreaths for Rememberance Day.  I see many signs of disrespect on the internet where news items are left open for people to comment on.  For quite a while now, when it has been reported that someone well known has died, or someone not so well known, or someone has been murdered, or died in an accident, there are very few comments added passing sympathy to the family of those that have died.  But there are many comments saying more or less “So what?” or comments making jokes about how the person died, or if it was a well known person, then some rude comments about that person.  No-one seems to actually care that these people have died and that their families must be grieving so much.

Very recently I have seen that there was a Facebook page removed after many complaints because that page was just about people masturbating in graveyards, over graves, and showing some photos etc.. And also very recently here in the UK we had a gunman who shot (and presumably wanted to kill) his ex girlfriend because she had dumped him while he was in prison.  He shot and killed her new boyfriend and then shot and has permanently blinded a policeman. Then he killed himself after about a week on the run.  He did all the shooting the day after he was released from prison. Someone set up a Facebook page for the gunman, because they called him a hero and a legend!!   People started laying a shrine of masses of flowers at the spot where he died and at his home, because they thought he was a hero.  A man had been killed – no Facebook page for him (unless his family/friends set up a memorial page to him, which I don’t know about).  A man has been permanently blinded, his life and that of his family has totally changed, but no Facebook page set up for him (unless his friends have done this now).

But the Facebook page for the gunman attracted almost 40,000 “friends” who agreed he was a legend, a hero, and that he did the right thing because his girlfriend chose to no longer be with him and several even commented on how it was a shame the policeman did not die!!!!!   I can’t believe this.  What are we coming to?  It means that there are at least 40,000 people who would happily go out and kill a partner if they get jilted!!  And they think this is right!!?

None of these people had any sympathy for the  man that died nor for the others that were shot.

I’m now thinking that it’s really not going to be very long until the time when Auntie Florrie dies and her family think “So what?”  and then just shove her in a black bin liner and dump her at the local rubbish tip!!!!!

May 24, 2010

Madness Monday: What did I do with it???

Filed under: DAILY BLOGGING THEMES, Madness Monday — Tags: , , — rootsresearcher @ 10:35 pm

Well I can only say that the madness today must be my own!!  Why was I so mad (or silly really) to not put information that I patiently retrieved from a very elderly relative a few years ago straight into my genealogy programme?  Why was I so mad (or silly) to store these notes in such a safe place that I could not find them?

Turn the clock back just a few years and you will find me asking my elderly Aunt questions about our relatives that she only just remembered who lived at Eastleigh in Hampshire!  After a lot of patient indirect questioning so she didn’t feel bombarded with intrusive questions, I managed to pick up names, places and lovely descriptions like “oh yes, the big house on the corner”  and “they had a big parrot you know” and “it was lovely visiting old Uncle Tom, we sat round the table, all of us, singing Little Brown Jug” and all sorts of other little bits of snippets to add to the main details I had collected.  I went home and put this info in a safe place in readiness to add to my genealogy programme very soon.  A few days later I researched this particular family group because although they were family, my Aunt could not quite remember which branch they were connected to!  I was very pleased with myself because I found the connection, made all sorts of notes to add to the ones I had taken with my Aunt and intended to add all this to my genealogy programme very soon!

Now to the present, and of course, you guessed it, I didn’t actually put that info on my programme anytime soon after getting the info.  But it was kept in a safe place in readiness for adding to that programme.

Now I have this newer, updated blog, I am sorting out all sorts of things to add to it and this in turn is getting me to do all the things I should have done a long time ago, like scanning photos and documents – all the things I kept meaning to do.

I decided I wanted to add a family tree chart for the family I had collected that information about from my Aunt a few years ago.  Oh my goodness, where is it?  What did I do with it?  I have piles of folders, files, papers and just so much stuff for my research after just over 20 years delving into the family but it is just toooooooo much to go through.

I saw my Aunt a few days ago, she is very soon to be 100 years old.  I reminded her of those relatives to see if she could remind me of the notes I had taken.  Sadly she can’t remember much at all now, not the names, not the places, but she does remember them all often sitting round the table singing Little Brown Jug!!  Well I was in despair, I knew I had the info somewhere but it would take me forever to find.  I could not believe just how silly (mad) I was not to do something with the information then and there when I collected it a few years ago.

So, I had a chat with my Mum, she is almost fifteen years younger than my Aunt so can remember more easily.  But, as she pointed out, she came along a long time after her brother and sisters and so did not really have anything to do with the relatives that I wanted the particular information about as they were very elderly and she was so young.  So, for the last few days  I was more in despair because I was beginning to feel that this info had been lost maybe forever!

I searched and searched through all my papers, but could not find this particular info.  To say I was down in the dumps doesn’t really decribe the feeling of annoyance with myself for not acting on it straight away.  I decided ok, I better search from scratch, there’s more on the internet now, so give it a go.  Well, I am delighted to say that I found the information I wanted on the internet after flitting from here and there to different sites and was very pleased with myself.

And you know what?  Guess what I found yesterday in my paperwork?  Yes, the original notes I took a few years ago chatting to my Aunt then and the follow-up notes I had done when I found the information to find the connection!!!!!  And it also confirmed what I found on the internet in the last couple of days, so I haven’t made any mistakes in trying to do this research again and doing it quickly.

Now, I am determined to get myself more organised.  Doing this blog is helping a lot with that.  I have started a Live Journal blog, but it is from me to only me and is now my To Do List place and where I will keep all the Notes and jottings I have accrued and forgotten about over the years – it’s surprising how many useful bits and pieces I have found while searching for those notes I collected a few years ago with my Aunt.  So I have started the Live Journal now and will have all sorts of bits and pieces in one place only, so I can dip into it and use it and hopefully never lose it!!  I’m sure I won’t be so mad (silly) again, I’ve learned my lesson!!!

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